I Love Conference

As many of you probably know, the LDS church had general conference this last weekend. General conference lasts Saturday & Sunday, two weekends a year (April & October). Basically it's where members of the Latter-Day Saint church gather together to hear modern revelation from prophets and apostles of God. It's one of my favorite weekends of the entire year! It's always exactly what I need to hear, when I need to hear it. It's how I knew I wanted to get my patriarchal blessing two years ago, & it brought me so much peace last year when I was sick (especially President Uchtdorf's talk, 'Grateful in Any Circumstance'). This conference brought even more faith & answers. Here are a couple of the many amazing quotes from conference & what they meant to me!

This last month of starting school has been so hard on me. I'm a fan of high school for sure, but the walking & the stairs are murder on my legs. It's all caused this 'flare-up' of CMT (if you haven't read my 'Learned More Than Lost' post I highly recommend reading it first, so you're not totally confused(; ) that's lasted for the entire month and is still going strong. Basically it gives me really bad acid reflux by weakening my stomach muscles & causing a certain type of hernia (not the kind that needs surgery, honestly I'm not really sure how this all works!) that pushes up on my ribs & chest. It also weakens my hands and arms, so my fingers clench and my wrists hurt. I get seriously shaky so it feels like I'm on vibrate. Mostly though, it affects my legs. From my feet to my thighs, the pain ranges from electric to achy to 'how do I even walk right now'. I'm tired a lot of the time & in pain almost as often. Overcoming that mentally & getting up and going on with life when everything is screaming at me not to is incredibly hard! I for sure have good days & I have bad days, but it's learning to find a way to carry on & be happy through the rough ones. There were so many talks in conference about trials and being able to overcome them through Christ. This quote means worlds to me! He knows what each and every one of us is going through, and He is there through it all - if we're willing to turn to Him. Sometimes it feels like no one can really understand what having a disorder that affects your nerves is like, because it's not very visible. Unless you're wearing braces or a boot, no one can see what's wrong with you. Knowing that Christ understands & has been through everything we're going through is such a comforting thing!

So, with this CMT thing, I've been missing a ton of school & a lot of play practice. I really can't make it through a full day of school, I'm so tired & ready to be done by 4th hour, which has made me miss my 4th-6th hours wayyy more than I should be. The dancing at play practice was also really hard on me - one 2 hour play practice made me so sore, I missed 2 days of school. So, I've had to make a few decisions. One of those was to quit the play. I'm sad to be giving up something I love so much, but I know it's really the right thing to do. More than anything I feel peaceful about it, & I can't wait to see the finished show!

The other decision I made was to switch over to half days of school. This was a hard one. I dropped my first three hours, one of which was theater. That was a something I debated back and forth on for a long time! I LOVE that class. But. I fasted about it, prayed about it, & thought about it more than anything else, and I know this is what I need to do. I'll be taking all of my core classes online & going to school for the extra classes I can keep in the afternoon, like choir & seminary. I don't feel like this decision was out of my control, & I don't feel at all like I'm giving anything up by making it. I could've forced it & kept doing full days. I didn't want to. And I know that it's God's will that I be home part-time. Like the quote says - "The Lord will guide us to & through our next steps." This is my next step, & one I'm making with The Lord on my side. I'm so grateful to have that spiritual direction in my life - I don't know what I would do without it!! 

Something I haven't been doing as much as I should be is trusting in the Lord! I was reminded of that this last week when I fasted & prayed about switching to half days. One thing I still struggle with & haven't done is read my scriptures!! For seminary we're supposed to be somewhere in Genesis, annnd I'm in Moses 3... Whoops. Conference reminded me that I need to get in shape & pick up my scriptures! 

So, to sum up a beautiful conference with plenty of answers & words I needed to hear, I'll leave you with this quote from Koichi Aoyagi - "Put God first, regardless of the trials you face. Love God. Have faith in Christ, & entrust yourself to Him in all things." I promise your answers are in Christ. How lucky are we that we have modern revelation from God through our prophets & apostles?? Turn to Him, listen to His prophet's words, & you will find the peace you need!

-Savannah

Learned More Than Lost

"I have learned a lot more than I have lost." -Rachel Stratton

^^I don't know if you guys have heard of Rachel, but if you haven't - read her blog HERE. She was 20 years old & passed away last Sunday after fighting with brain cancer for 3 years. I didn't hear of her story until the day she passed, which is impressive considering her family lives only a little ways from mine. This week I've been reading through her blog. I'm only a year into it but I am so impressed with her spirit. I never had the opportunity to meet her, but through her writing you can feel her courage & strength & faith in and love for Christ. I have never been so impressed with someone.

It's made me think a lot about some of the things I've gone through. I won't pretend they're anywhere near fighting brain cancer - because they're not. And I'm not saying 'poor me' because of them. So many people have it so much worse than I ever have, but it doesn't change the fact that we're all struggling. We're all being tested in our own ways, & none of them are easy.

A year and a half ago, I had my gallbladder removed 3 days after my 14th birthday. I dropped out of 8th grade & had to homeschool for the rest of the year. Without going into a crazy number of medical details, basically I've struggled - badly - with my health since I was 11. I actually had my gallbladder & appendix removed in the same surgery just to make sure I wouldn't have anything else to come in for! For so many different reasons, I've had a ridiculous # of tests done - like a colonoscopy in 7th grade, HIDA scan in 8th, ultrasounds, x-rays, an insane # of blood tests - you name it! I also found out last December that I have a degenerative neurological muscular disorder called Charcot Marie-Tooth (try saying that 10 time fast!). My dad & my grandpa both have it, along with a couple of my aunts & uncles, & it's hereditary - so we always kind of figured I had it. But I had an intense spike in leg pain last year, so I started going to doctor's for it. The first one wasn't a "kid" specialist, he was just a general leg/feet doctor. Basically he told me that within a few years, I wouldn't be able to walk. I needed surgery to lengthen my calf & would eventually need to lengthen my Achilles, which is an even riskier procedure. I had the potential of my arch collapsing, hammer toes, curled fingers - you name it. He told me I had the joints of a 70 year old & it would only get worse, and that no matter what we did, the end result would be a wheelchair. 

Needless to say, I was pretty devestated after that first appointment. We were going to set me up for surgery but decided not to because I had just made the school play. We ended up meeting with a specialist at primary children's, and his answer was completely different - don't have surgery yet. Wait & see. He said my legs are messed up but they're nowhere near as bad as we thought. He recommended physical therapy & if all else fails, surgery. Mostly because you don't want to have scar tissue in your legs ever - especially when you're younger!

And so the first couple of months of 2015 (a.k.a. this year) were way hard. I was struggling with pain a good amount of the time, and my stomach health was still not 100%. I also wasn't eating gluten (oh, the stories. I was more of a mess than I thought) which was SO hard. I started therapy, but I also had 2 hour play practices after school everyday. I'd go to school for 7 hours, play practice for 2, & therapy for another 2 or 3 hours. I'd come home and fall asleep as soon as I sat down, so I'd end up doing homework in the middle of the night or during school. Me and my counselor became good friends, haha! I was a counselor aide first tri, so I called people to the counseling office & helped them file and sort different things. She helped me switch out of PE 2nd tri when I was struggling with my legs. I talked to her a couple of times about switching to half days of school. I was the kid who got pulled out of class by their counselor just so they could check up on how I was doing! At the end of the year, I received my grades in the mail. Somehow I managed to keep a 4.0 all year, even with an insane amount of absences & not being able to focus on what I was doing while I was there. The only way that happened was through a lot of prayer and a lot of faith that God would help me through it. On my own, I couldn't have kept up my grades. With God, I did. My counselor wrote on my grades how proud she was that I got my 4.0, which is something I still carry in the back of my mind. I didn't get a 4.0 because I'm the most brilliant student out there, I got it because I worked hard & God helped me out - a lot.

Even today, almost a year after the CMT stuff started, I take pain cream with me everytime I travel. I can't run a mile without having the craziest leg spasms and pain for days after. My calves are ridiculously buff (and guys, I am nowhere near a 'buff' person), & I have a pair of giant leg braces that I'm supposed to wear everyday, but I don't because they're annoying. Maybe it will come to a point where I have to, but being the stubborn & probably irresponsible teenager I am, I'll avoid it as long as I can. I can't do the hikes at girls camp & I have to take all the physical education classes online. I'm not in physical therapy right now, but I'm careful.

(Hello giant leg brace & high quality pic)

In case you made it through that ridiculous amount of medical information that I said I wouldn't put in there but clearly did anyways (sometimes it's a little unavoidable), here's my point - I've learned more than I've lost. It really hit me when I read that on Rachel's blog.

My family has struggled - my health has struggled - my friendships have struggled - & my faith has struggled. I've lost plenty. I've lost friends, family members, time & experiences I could've had. At times I've lost hope, faith, and even purpose. There have been points where I haven't been able to live a normal life, and even now it's a little bit different. I've even literally had blood and organs taken from me.

BUT, more than any of that, I've learned so much. I've learned that if you trust in God & lean on Him in every circumstance, He will provide & carry you through. I've learned that struggles are nothing to be ashamed of - I'm still learning that one! I didn't tell anyone when I was going through therapy or surgery, and the majority of people still don't know exactly what went down. I've always hated talking about any of it. Finally, I got over that - in a theater class with a group of kids that were all a year younger than me. I went up there & rambled for a solid 10 minutes about it (yes I was actually supposed to do that, don't worry, I'm not that weird) & it helped me realize that maybe I'm not my challenges - but at the same time, I am. Who I am today has been defined by my trials and struggles, and I'm honestly so proud to say that. There have been moments in the past couple of years where I couldn't see the point, and while I still don't understand it all, I know that through my trials God has made me so much better - so much stronger, and kinder, and more understanding. I'm less afraid and a little more hopeful. And I owe it to my trials and to God.

So, if you're struggling, here's my advice - have faith. Stay hopeful. Pray, all the time, and don't forget about your scriptures. Sometimes it may not seem like it, but God is good. And there will always be a reason for everything, even if you can't see it. Remember you are loved & remember there is always, always hope. And I know that if you trust in God, you will be able to come out of anything.

Because haven't we all truly learned more than we have lost?

-Savannah

A B O U T M E

Well hey there everyone!! Today's post is a little less serious... I was looking through my blog & I realized that I never actually introduced myself! I introduced my blog name & the reason behind it (read that HERE) but I never actually told you about myself. For all we know, I could be a creepy old man hiding behind the screen. Thank goodness I'm NOT, haha! So I figured it was about time I tell you a little bit about myself!

I'm Savannah, a.k.a Savvy/Vans/Nana + a thousand more depending on who you ask! I'm 15 years old (16 on Feb. 10th, yesss!!) and I live in a small town in northern Utah.

I have 4 brothers - 2 older & 2 younger. Basically I'll give you a little bit about each member of my family!
Dad - My dad is the bishop of our ward - he's also a serious travel pro because he travels for work at least 2 weeks out of every month. He's constantly busy, selfless, and the hardest worker I know. He's also a serious football fan & the best padre around!
Mom - FULL TIME SCHOOL. PART TIME WORK. FULL TIME EXTRAORDINARY MOM. ( I felt that deserved all caps because she's legit a superhero) My best friend & the most hilarious & headstrong person you'll ever meet - besides me, of course (;
Spencer's 20 & he's attending U of U. When I think of Spencer I think of MUSIC - he & Brooks started a band together in high school that won a Battle of the Bands & played at a bunch of cool places in Ogden & SLC. He's also very into politics. He's an inactive member of the church - he left the church pretty much during/after high school. But if there's one thing I've learned, it's that you never stop praying & trusting in God. He has a plan for each and every one of us!
Brooks is 18 & graduated from high school this year. He's hopefully a soon to be missionary - we're hoping to receive his call this Friday or next Friday! He's the sweetest kid & without a doubt the peacemaker in our home. Brooks is also insanely musically talented & when he finishes his mission he'll be going to USU to become a music therapist!
Lucas is 13 & in 8th grade. He's a CRAZY kid & rebellious as much as he can be, but he's got a good heart and I've learned more from him than anyone else. He loves sports, especially football and soccer. And joggers - the kid loves his joggers!
Eli is 9 & in 4th grade. Funniest kid you will ever meet. Seriously intelligent & obsessed with Harry Potter & animals. He's so kind hearted and just a little bit awkward (;

And of course our family wouldn't be complete without our 3 cats (we did NOT intend to have that many!!), Crookshanks, Legolas & Katniss, & our dog, Toby. They're all named after books/movies - Crookshanks is Hermione's cat in Harry Potter, Legolas from Lord of the Rings, and Katniss from The Hunger Games. Toby isn't technically from a movie, but if you ask me it's short for Tobias from Divergent (;

On my side of things, I love theater & music & piano & performing! All good things. I've been in 2 plays - The King & I and Bye Bye Birdie - and I'm currently in Footloose. I love it! I've also worked at a snowcone stand all summer, which is great because I get free snowcones but it's not so great because I get paid close to nothing! But I'm 15 with a job so I shouldn't complain(;

I'm also slightly movie & Netflix obsessed. If I had to choose my favorites the list would include lots of musicals - like Les Mis & Hairspray, Marvel movies (Captain America is #1), Tim Burton movies & a whole ton of random ones like Jurassic World, Penelope & Cokeville Miracle. Honestly I love them all! As for TV shows I can't choose there either! My tops would definitely have to include Gilmore Girls, Glee & anything on HGTV. I'm just a big fan of it all! 

I love music from pretty much all categories, except for most rap & country (sorry, but what can I say?). I also love random things like fall, Tillamook ice cream, Dr. Pepper & writing. Basically just the good things! (;

Hope you enjoyed getting to know me a little bit better because I enjoyed writing it! (;

Until next time...

-Savannah

Family Reunion 2015

Me & my cousins 

(I'm in the middle!)

Bells of Hope

First of all, to introduce myself, I really want to explain my blog/Instagram name. My mom asked me about it today, so I figured some of you might be curious as well!

My name is actually very Christmas inspired! Like Charles Dickens said, “I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.” I suppose this is part of my way to honor the Spirit of Christmas all year!

So what am I even talking about? Most of you have probably heard ‘I Heard the Bells’, written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. What you might not know is the story behind it – I didn’t until my mom told it a few days before Christmas!

Henry married Fanny Longfellow on July 13^th 1843, and they lived together in Massachusetts. Together they had five children. 1861 was a tragic year for the Longfellow’s. On July 10^th, Fanny Longfellow was fatally burned in the library of her home. She had been trimming her young daughter’s beautiful curls when she decided to preserve the clippings in sealing wax. When melting a bar of wax with a candle, a few drops fell on her dress. A breeze gusted through the window, lighting the material of Fanny’s dress and immediately wrapping her in flames. In her attempt to protect her daughters, she ran to Henry’s study. Henry frantically tried to extinguish the flames with a throw rug, to no avail. He then tried to smother the flames by throwing his arms around Fanny, severely burning his face, arms, and hands. Fanny died the next morning. Henry was too ill from his burns and grief to even attend her funeral.

The first Christmas after Fanny’s death, Longfellow wrote, “How inexpressibly sad are all holidays.” A year after the accident, he wrote, “I can make no record of these days. Better leave them wrapped in silence. Perhaps someday God will give me peace.” His journal entry for December 25^th, 1862 reads: “A merry Christmas’ say the children, but that is no more for me.”

A year later, Longfellow received word that his oldest son Charles, a lieutenant in the Army of the Potomac, had been seriously wounded with a bullet passing under his shoulder blades and taking off a spinal process. The Christmas of 1863 was not recorded in Longfellow’s journal.

Finally, on Christmas Day of 1864, he wrote the poem, “Christmas Bells.” The occasion of writing the carol was not due to Charles’ death, as his son lived – rather, it is thought to be inspired by the soon to come end of the war, or Longfellow’s ability to finally see the hope of life again.

And in despair I bowed my head;

"There is no peace on earth," I said;

"For hate is strong,

And mocks the song

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

"God is not dead; nor doth he sleep!

The Wrong shall fail,

The Right prevail,

With peace on earth, good-will to men!"

“The carol concludes with the bells carrying renewed hope for peace among men.” After so much grief, so many trials, and so much hardship in his life, Longfellow was still able to share his belief in God and his hope for the future. He was still able to hear the bells of hope, and put forward enough effort to share that glorious music!

I hope to be like Henry Wadsworth Longfellow in that way. I hope to be able to find hope and peace in the gospel my entire life, whatever may come my way. I hope to always strive to share that message of love and joy in whatever ways I can. I truly believe in peace on earth and good-will to men. Kindness and understanding will bring you so far in life, and in the gospel. I have heard the Bells of Hope ringing, singing on their way, both loud and deep. I want to share that message, that hope, and that love with everyone I can!! Is not the message of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints peace and good-will to men? Is it not hope? I promise that if you look at the pure doctrines of the church, and not at media or imperfect people, you will find that it is.

If you made it to the end of this post, you are seriously amazing. I hope you felt the spirit of the story as much as I did when I heard it! I’m so excited to start this new journey with all of you and I hope you enjoy taking it with me!

XOXO,

Savannah

( Thanks to WhatSaithTheScripture.com & Wikipedia for the story info! )

W E L C O M E

Well hey there!!!

I’m so excited to say…

WELCOME TO MY BLOG!!!

I’ve wanted to start a blog for the longest time, and I finally decided to take advantage of the New Year and go for it!

I hope you all enjoy taking this journey with me while I figure out designs, topics, and basically just how to run a blog! I’m so excited to be able to talk to you guys on a more meaningful level with a LOOOT more space to write!!

Let's do this!!

XOXO,

Savannah